Now there’s a woman that might understand me.
Let me see if this does anything for me.
She re-inhales it like Ottoman incense. Eyes closed.
I still like the smell before it is lit.
There’s an exquisite juggler of wine, Cubana and the mystical fog
between them.
This isn’t working for me. I give.
I think you have captured the hedonism and narcissism of the event. For these two, it's all about...me, me, and me. There sure is a fog between them. I don't know if the fog is mystical but it sure is a mystery for them.
ReplyDeleteYep think you summed it up! I think the fog is like life for them and hoping they can come down to earth and head on through ot
ReplyDeleteI think I like the smell before it is lit, too.
ReplyDeleteAnd you caught the element of a wager that the photograph suggests.
Good one, Jerry.
That last line is a zinger! And set up so well through the tone and a great opening line that made me chuckle. The distorting mystical fog is an excellent detail to add to your poignant commentary. "I give" Honest, creative approach—great write!
ReplyDeleteLovely interplay of words and meaning - how I love this language :o)
ReplyDeleteI liked the inclusion of his thoughts in this...added a really nice element.
ReplyDeleteI agree - they do smell much much better before they're lit.
Anticipation is seldom matched by reality. (The smell for me is fine while the cigar is burning, but absolutely foul later in the hair and clothes.) Excellent and strong finish and a very coherent, well done piece altogether.
ReplyDeleteSummed it up in a momentary thought, zinging the total in one last line... well done.
ReplyDeleteInteresting - like the play with textual type for the different POVs. Well-crafted anticipation, an intriguing interplay of thought and reality, with a killer end. Potent work.
ReplyDeleteLove the two distinct points of view in this poem!
ReplyDeleteyes,
ReplyDeletea much better scent
before lit
i like the sound of the words
Ottoman incense
Very nice! Love the technique you used and especially the last line.
ReplyDeleteHa Ha Ha..
ReplyDeletethis is very clever.. things that look good aren't always worthwhile.
ReplyDeletehappy blogging
- Sy
snort...love your last line...just imagining her bad breath...smiles.
ReplyDeleteWhat you see isn't always what you get - actually this one reminded me of one of my fave songs, "She Ain't Pretty, She Just Looks That Way" (now I've dated myself! lol)
ReplyDeleteLove the poems and the photo of the family!
Human nature, such a not-so-wonderful, random thing sometimes - you nailed that palpable sentiment, with two stunning end-poem lines.
ReplyDelete