Sunday, January 23, 2011

Assumption

Now there’s a woman that might understand me.
Let me see if this does anything for me.
She re-inhales it like Ottoman incense.  Eyes closed.
I still like the smell before it is lit.
There’s an exquisite juggler of wine, Cubana and the mystical fog
between them.
This isn’t working for me.  I give.

17 comments:

  1. I think you have captured the hedonism and narcissism of the event. For these two, it's all about...me, me, and me. There sure is a fog between them. I don't know if the fog is mystical but it sure is a mystery for them.

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  2. Yep think you summed it up! I think the fog is like life for them and hoping they can come down to earth and head on through ot

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  3. I think I like the smell before it is lit, too.

    And you caught the element of a wager that the photograph suggests.

    Good one, Jerry.

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  4. That last line is a zinger! And set up so well through the tone and a great opening line that made me chuckle. The distorting mystical fog is an excellent detail to add to your poignant commentary. "I give" Honest, creative approach—great write!

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  5. Lovely interplay of words and meaning - how I love this language :o)

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  6. I liked the inclusion of his thoughts in this...added a really nice element.

    I agree - they do smell much much better before they're lit.

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  7. Anticipation is seldom matched by reality. (The smell for me is fine while the cigar is burning, but absolutely foul later in the hair and clothes.) Excellent and strong finish and a very coherent, well done piece altogether.

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  8. Summed it up in a momentary thought, zinging the total in one last line... well done.

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  9. Interesting - like the play with textual type for the different POVs. Well-crafted anticipation, an intriguing interplay of thought and reality, with a killer end. Potent work.

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  10. Love the two distinct points of view in this poem!

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  11. yes,
    a much better scent
    before lit

    i like the sound of the words
    Ottoman incense

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  12. Very nice! Love the technique you used and especially the last line.

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  13. this is very clever.. things that look good aren't always worthwhile.
    happy blogging
    - Sy

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  14. snort...love your last line...just imagining her bad breath...smiles.

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  15. What you see isn't always what you get - actually this one reminded me of one of my fave songs, "She Ain't Pretty, She Just Looks That Way" (now I've dated myself! lol)
    Love the poems and the photo of the family!

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  16. Human nature, such a not-so-wonderful, random thing sometimes - you nailed that palpable sentiment, with two stunning end-poem lines.

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